RANDOM THOUGHTS-ANALYSIS OF SELF

Random Thoughts

( As a result of going thru some thoughts of OSHO and works of  Sigmunt Fread –whose 74^th death anniversary fell on Sep 23^rd )

Time and again we come across success and defeat in our own lives and in lives of others .

It is also customary to rejoice on a success and to brood over the defeat.

Seldom people appear to realize that success and defeat are the two sides of same coin and

What is important is the efforts that had been put in. Easier said than done.

Success is 90% efforts and 10 % luck and defeat is 89% efforts and 11% luck. This percentage could be anything .That is immaterial. What is material is to realize that something else is required for success over and above the efforts and that something else alone also cannot guarantee success without efforts.

ANY ONE knows what it is to put efforts , but then What is this something else which goes along with efforts?

Some call it luck, some call it as divine blessings and some call it as essence of time and persistent belief in one’s capacity and confidence levels.. I ventured to analyse my life, its best and worst moments. And even when I used these words as ‘ best and worst’ something within me is taunting me against the said usage.  As someone said success gives us happiness while defeats teach us life lasting lessons. And hence whether success or defeat, what is important is the way we handle them.

Here comes a self analysis:

I will divide this into three categories, personal front, academic front and career front. While a water tight segregation is difficult as there will always be crossing between these segments, I shall strive to keep within described boundaries to the possible extent.

Personal front:

The worst was the time when I entered into some violent inter personal conflicts. Instead of understanding that there could be a failure on my part to impress and win over,  and that there are ways and means to honestly try for reconciliation , I had resorted to fault finding and entered in to a war of complexes. AS IS ALWAYS NOTICED once u see beauty, u do not see ugliness and once you see ugliness you do not see beauty. The essence however is that beauty and ugliness are however in the eye of the beholder and the object of view always inherited  both ugliness and beauty. Therefore it is a choice to look and nourish the element of beauty or to focus on ugliness and blow it out of proportion. Once  the interpersonal relationship is extended to other platforms on a larger scale  the blunder of the earlier mistake and the resultant conflict/defeat was noticed/recognized. Recognition of the same is the lesson from the defeat which led to happiness and success thereafter.

It taught me to look for infirmities and inconsistencies first within and not to be bothered about it but to handle it with confidence.. …as every human being has these traits, only the degree varies!And nothing or nobody is perfect in this world ..Perfection is an illusion!!

 

Academic  front :

Harmony on personal front is very important for satisfaction and success on other fronts. Despite the resources constraint which I had to face all most throughout my academic front  I was having an inner happiness and peace on the personal front. This enabled me to move from one mile stone to other with ease and comfort on the academics except at two most critical periods. Once when I changed my discipline from pursuit of arts to pursuit of engineering while in school and next when I failed in my professional pursuits when I badly wanted to pass it in one stroke.

I did an analysis of what made me fail. Everything around me was the same (Lack of resources, separation from family, no light to future directions all remained as they were ). But with all these I had succeeded earlier and now I had failed. Hence the answer to this draw back goes to  “I”,  A VERY SIMPLE AND STRONG  ANSWER. I acknowledged it, I owned the failure and did not stop there , went a little ahead to study the reason for the same. When I switched from one discipline to another, there was a deep anxiety in me that I should succeed at any cost and cannot afford to fail as it is my decision to switch over. THIS very anxiety became counterproductive.

 In the second case I wanted to be a winner in  a marathon having prepared only for a 100 meter running race. The knowledge of failure, the recognition of my part in it  and pinpointing the reasons for it all enabled me to do it better next time, by leaving out the anxiety and by acknowledging the fact that different  tests require different approaches. I came out winning thereafter and I stopped celebrating them since I knew there could be many who took the race with me but who had been left behind , because they were not knowing that “some thing”.

It taught me empathy.It taught me to handle defeat and victory on the same footing .It made me a balanced personality.

Professional front

By the time one could smoothly ride out of the personal front and the academic front, it would appear that riding the professional front would be much easier. However it is another complex world where in you are thrown to gether with so many who are in different horizons experiencing the conflicts and anxieties till then unresolved or possibly invented at the new place of work.

My worst period here could be termed as my initial decade of association wherein promotions were not forthcoming, transfers were imminent and expected to take place at the most inconvenient periods, recognition was not only denied but was distributed to those who in my opinion did not deserve them. It was a much larger battle and the opposition was much tougher. One had to continuously reiterate to themselves that there is nothing lacking in them in the first place and the next step is to make those potential known to all and sundry by whatever method possible by seizing the opportunities however small they may be. A question which used to haunt those times will be “Why this rat race “..why not I keep away ??

ANSWER TO THIS QUESTION MAY DIFFER FROM INDIVIDIAL TO INDIVIDUAL. It depends on one’s mindset and in what one aspires for harmony .If one is contended in being pushed over for no fault of theirs and still could see happiness in others’ going forward (with genuine peace of mind)there is no problem. If however the Darwin theory of survival of fittest is what is goading an individual, then they should be prepared to play the games which corporate culture require them to play. No offence meant please!It is those who were caught between the deep sea and devil and who could not get out of it start feeling frustrated and depressed. Time and again it is reiterated that attitude makes or mars every thing.

Choice to remain happy or depressed is on me and on no body else!!

And here comes the final CATCH!

It would appear most difficult to gain an entry in the first place. ONCE YOU HAVE GAINED IT , ALL FORCES REVOLVE AROUND YOU , IN ALL MOST ALL CASES. THE MOMENTUM THEN TAKES OVER AND EVEN IF YOU WANT TO STOP YOU ARE PUSHED UPWARDS (AT TIMES EVEN WHEN YOU ARE CONTENT WITH WHAT YOU ARE )….And there is a price to be paid for every thing..is it not?

Let me conclude with some thoughts of Freud:

“A man should not strive to eliminate his complexes but to get in to accord with them. They are legitimately what directs his conduct in the world”

“Out of your vulnerabilities will come your strength”

“One day in retrospect the years of struggle will strike you as the most beautiful”

So far so good and the beautiful life is ahead  of me /you all to make the best of it !